


217,692

by Superfreaky



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Laviyuuweek2018, M/M, probably gonna be rated M later, theives, they're havin a grand ol time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 17:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14109957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superfreaky/pseuds/Superfreaky
Summary: A group of bandits and their adventures together.





	217,692

The weather had been good all week but it chose that day of all days to turn sour. Was it a sign? Probably.    
  
“I hope they have a lot of towels,” a redheaded teen said to his two friends, his finger barely peeling back the blinds so he could look out a window at the house across the street from them. One of his eyes was covered with an eyepatch, the visible one a bright happy green. Unfortunately, he wore a  _ lot  _ of bracelets, and a loose shirt. It made him look a bit like a hippy but he liked that kind of look apparently.     
  
His two friends looked completely different, one, a thin albino with huge glasses and white rockstar glam hair, the other, a well toned slab of japanese anger and long blackish blue hair. Together they looked rather ridiculous.   
  
“What, you want an umbrella? You big baby,”  the angry one scoffed, smacking away the redhead’s hand at the window. They couldn’t risk anyone seeing them, even though they were currently camping out in an abandoned house. If someone had a glimpse of movement in that ‘creepy ghost house’ and the cops got wind of it, it would be trouble for them.    
  
They were thieves, plain and simple.   
  
Allen Walker, the youngest and shortest of the group, was their safe breaker, their lock picker, and their cute face. His smile and pinkish purple eyes screamed innocent, but he was anything but. He had stark white hair and a mangled left arm that didn’t work well. He tried to break away from his boyish looks by wearing tighter pants and tank tops to show his muscle but it only half worked.    
  
Kanda Yuu was their all rounder athlete, who was good at fighting and bashing heads in,  _ just in case. _ They didn’t like to resort to violence if they didn’t have to but it was nice to have someone who was trained to knock people out instead of outright killing them. His face was always a bit pinched in a scowl and his hair hung straight down to his waist. He usually kept it up in a ponytail and had rather messy straight cut bangs. His tank top was even  _ tighter  _ than Allen’s, black, and from the shoulder peaked a sanskrit tattoo that covered his pec.   
  
Lavi was their identifier. He was a walking encyclopedia and knew everything's value just by looking. His one naked eye could tell if a diamond was real or fake just at a glance. He knew antique cabinets and strange obscure artist’s paintings. If it was worth anything he knew about it. He was the tallest of the three, and the oldest. More laid back than the other two, he was also the mediator of their band of thieves.    
  
The plan was easy this time. They found an abandoned house in a small suburb, not really hard to do. They broke in, quietly, and set up surveillance of their new neighbors. They needed someone who went to work regularly and didn’t leave any other family at home. No dogs. And most importantly, someone who looked like they had some cash to spare. Two weeks camping out in the same house together with no electricity or water had made them all cranky as hell and today was the day. Rain or no rain, it was time. They had their mark, a rich man with a shitty square mustache and slicked back blonde hair. Just by looking at him anyone would get the impression that he was a grade-A asshole.    
  
“Hey I mean, it would be rude to get water all over his floor right?,” Lavi joked as he peeked out the window again and looked at his watch. “It’s time boys. 6:30 am, that prick should be leaving any second now.”   
  
Kanda rolled his dark eyes and Allen huffed in excitement. They grabbed their bags and left through the back door, sneaking around the side of the house to hide in the bushes and wait. They only had one shot at this today and if they missed it or messed up they would have to wait out the entire weekend. Kanda would probably kill them if it came to that.    
  
“Move your fat arse over, you’re stepping on me!” Allen grumbled quietly while nudging Kanda in the ribs.    
  
“Get your own god damn bush you mini freak,” Kanda spat back, shoving Allen’s face away with his hand.    
  
_ ‘Ah the friendship in the air is so thick its choking me, _ ’ Lavi thought to himself, ‘ _ Oh wait, it’s just Kanda’s elbow.’ _

 

“Oh lord he’s leaving! Get off!” Allen whisper yelled as he shoved Kanda off and got ready to run.    
  
Kanda, not having any of Allen’s bullshit, got ready to bolt as well, “Like hell you’re going to get there before me with those short stubby legs.”   
  
Lavi sighed and leaned back in the bush. He wasn’t about to compete with those two. When the car pulled out of the house across the street both of the other teens got into a crouch. Their target drove away and the garage door started to come down. They waited one beat before zipping out of the bush and charging up the driveway. They had to duck and roll into the garage  _ for flair _ , because they could have just stuck their foot across the sensor and the door would have opened again.    
  
Lavi laughed a bit and meandered over to the house, not in a rush at all. He waited at the front door, hearing Allen and Kanda bickering inside. Lavi bet himself that they were arguing about who got there first.    
  
The door swung open, nearly smacking the redhead, and Kanda was glaring at Allen behind him, “As if you fucking got there first, your shitty eyes just couldn’t see me in front of your slow ass.” 

“Boys boys, I think you’re both pretty. Can we stop comparing ourselves to each other now?” Lavi suggested as he pushed past the two of them in the doorway. Allen mumbled something about his glasses and Kanda fumed.  
  
“I’m not pretty, asshole. Both of you have shit for eyes,” he said as his arms over his chest and it really didn’t help his case because his biceps flexed and his long bangs hung near his eyes just so. Plus he was dripping wet and that was just sexy all on its own.

 

“No, not pretty,  _ beautiful _ ,” Lavi corrected with a big smirk. Kanda gagged a bit and gave him a push into Allen. Allen caught him and gave him a pat before letting go.    
  
“He doesn’t know how to take a bloody complement. does he?” Allen asked as he fixed his huge glasses back into position. Lavi still wasn’t over how the light hit the kid’s eyes and made his pupils pink.    
  
“No, no he doesn’t-”   
  
“Can we just get this freakshow on the road? Jesus you two are gay as hell,” Kanda snipped before heading off into the living room. Lavi followed close behind, his eye already scanning for interesting items. Allen b-lined for the bedroom closet, the best place to keep safes according to every suburban homeowner, apparently.   
  
Lavi was inspecting a rather ugly clay vase on a shelf when they all heard it- _ the front door unlocking.   _

  
  


“Oh holy fuck! Hide hide! He’s commin’ back!” the readhead hissed to the others, his eye darting back and forth for a spot to hide. He had to duck low so that he wouldn’t be seen through the window in the door and as he did he slipped on the wet floor, twisting his ankle and flopping onto the ground.   
  
Kanda was close by enough to see, reaching out of the coat closet he was in and dragging his stupid partner across the floor. Lavi hissed in discomfort but huddled on top of the asian man in the closet, ripping a coat down to cover them as Kanda closed the door. They were as curled up as they could get and their muscles were tense enough to crush carbon into diamonds.    
  
The front door opened and their victim walked in, going over to the living room coffee table and frowning. He thought he had left his pass card there but it seems it had sprouted legs and walked away. The boys in the closet couldn’t see this of course, only hearing the footsteps that got closer and closer to them. Lavi held his breath and the closet was opened.    
  
In his rush the man dug through the pocket of the raincoat he had worn the day before and found what he was looking for. He didn’t notice the lump at the bottom of his closet, just making a note to clean later. He darted out the door and locked it again on his way out.    
  
The boys didn’t move until they heard the car start and then they took a huge breath of sweet sweet oxygen.    
  
“Ohghh… holy shit I think my heart just took a hit, man,” Lavi groaned into Kanda’s chest, “think I just aged like ten years.”   
  
Kanda was still stunned, his arms around Lavi’s back and his eyes wide, like an angry deer in headlights. Lavi didn’t mind- laying on a hot, damp, man with quickly beating hearts was definitely not a bad time.    
  
“Yuu? ...Yuu...chan?” Lavi teased poking at Kanda’s lip. In retaliation Kanda bit his finger and Lavi screeched.    
  
“Ah  _ jesus,  _ christ it’s more dangerous in here with you than with that hitler stash fucker!”   
  
“Don’t call me ‘chan’ anything, prick. You aren’t japanese and I only speak  _ fucking, english! _ ”   
  
“Alright alright! You were just staring into the void of the darkness, I got worried,” Lavi explained while rubbing his poor bitten finger.   
  
“At least I didn’t trip right in front of the mark, what is with your weak ankles?” Kanda ran his hands up to Lavis shoulder blades, pausing only slightly  before moving over the shoulders and pushing him back.    
  
Lavi didn’t miss the hesitation, sitting back on Kanda’s thighs and reaching up for the doorknob. He made sure to give his hips a tiny wiggle before opening the door, Allen on the other side of it with his arms crossed.    
  
“I was bloody worried about you two wankers but here you are shagging in the closet, tsk tsk,” he teased with a grin and a shake of the head. Lavi yelped as Kanda shoved him out roughly onto the linoleum.    
  
“Don’t get ideas euro fag, just tell me this fucker owns a safe,” Kanda grumbled as he tried not to think of Lavi’s stupid ass on his lap.    
  
Allen helped Lavi up off the ground and sighed, “Not in his room, no. Help me look?”    
  
The other two nodded and they all split off, looking for any kind of safe or even a piggy bank. As he went Lavi pocketed some other small things, crystal bird that only a granny would own, a really cool pen, and a designer attache. He stopped at a peculier spot in the wall that had slightly discolored paint.    
  
He put his bobbles aside, knocking on the wall twice to the right of the discoloration and then twice on it. The first two sounded wooden,  _ thunk thunk. _ The other two were distinctly different- almost metallic,  _ ting ting _ .    
  
“Jackpot,” Lavi whispered excitedly as a huge lopsided grin crept over his face, “Boys! I found somethin!”    
  
Allen and Kanda came rushing around to him, a glint in their eyes. Lavi knocked again on the metallic spot and he could see their excitement rile up.    
  
“Secret door? Good find mate,” Allen complemented and got to looking for a lever or switch.    
  
“I do my best for you guys, since I love you so much.”   
  
“How sweet,” Allen said and paused his search long enough to grab Lavi’s face and kiss his cheek jokingly.    
  
“Ugh, why would you touch him with your  _ mouth? _ Do you know where he’s been?” Kanda spat, rolling his eyes hard.    
  
“Aw you don’t wanna give me a kiss Yuu-”   
  
“Yeah, but with my  _ fist, _ ” Kanda retaliated before Lavi could finish, “Look assholes, up there.”   
  
There on the high ceiling above there was a small handle,blending in with the awful beige popcorn paint job. Allen was suddenly exasperated, being exactly way too short to reach it. Even Lavi the tallest of them couldn’t quite do more than brush his fingers over it at the height of a jump. He only attempted that once, making his ankle scream in pain.     
  
Without needing to talk about it Kanda bent down and wrapped his arms around Lavi’s hips, lifting him up as he reached to pull the handle down. There was a click and the metallic part of the wall separated slightly. Kanda put Lavi down gently, not wanting to aggravate his ankle further.   
  
“Alright, twenty bucks that its a sex dungeon,” Lavi bet before they opened the secret panel.    
  
Allen’s eyes glinted, “Fifty that it’s weapon storage.” 

  
They looked to Kanda who shook his head, “Fuck you guys, I learned my god damned lesson last time.” Lavi was too observant to be wrong and Allen was too fucking lucky.    
  
Lavi chuckled at the memory of Kanda getting cleaned out because he couldn’t resist competition, “Alright on three, one...two… three!”    
  
They pried the door open and a set of stairs below them led into a well lit room with a blank table in the center and several strange weapons hung on the wall. Whips, crops, collars, a morning star, and several daggers.    
  
They froze up and tensed, save for Allen who dove for a little square safe in the corner, “Lord thank you for this gift. Also, I win! Those are totally weapons, and they’re stored, quite neatly I might add.”    
  
“The hell you do,” Lavi snapped out of it, “Those are sex weapons, you technical asshole, this is a sex dungeon.”   
  
“Yes but I said weapon, not what  _ kind  _ of weapon. Besides there are daggers there!”   
  
“Ugh fine okay, its a draw, we both win-”   
  
“Yes but my bet was higher, you owe me 30 dollars. I’ll add it to your growing tab,” Allen smirked and stuck his tongue out before turning his attention to the safe, pressing his ear to it and twisting the knob.    
  
“Slippery little fucker,” Lavi mumbled to himself, going to sit on the questionable table in the room. None of this stuff was sellable, used sex shit was never a good idea. While he waited he tried to roll his foot around, wincing when it hit a certain spot.    
  
Kanda noticed and stood in front of him with his arms crossed, “How bad is it?”   
  
“It’s fine, just a little sprain,” Lavi answered, subconsciously not wanting Kanda to think less of him in some weird way. Kanda made a mental note to check later when they were back in their house.    
  
Lavi eyed the morning star on the wall instead of Kanda and he bit his lip in thought. “Get me that, will you? If it’s what I think it is then it’s worth a pretty penny.”   
  
Kanda groaned and went to get it, careful when he took it down so he didn’t imale himself with it. He looked the old weapon over himself and shuddered. He was still trying desperately to keep the image of that weirdo doing  _ anything  _ down here out of his head. He brought it over to Lavi and watched him examine the dumb disgusting thing.    
  
He always liked watching the redhead look at things, determining their worth in seconds. It was a bit of a rush to see the slight change in his eye when he deemed that an item was valuable, the dilation of his pupil and the pinch of excitement from the smile he got meant some serious cash.    
  
Kanda was sourly disappointed when Lavi just dropped the morningstar onto the ground, nearly destroying Kanda’s toes.    
  
“Trash, it’s not as old as I thought,” Lavi sighed, laying back on the table, “How ya doin Al?”   
  
Allen didn’t answer, too engrossed in listening for the clicks. His breathing was slow and his eyes were closed softly. Left, one two three turns…... _ click _ , Right, one two ... _ click- _ __  
__  
It opened for him, a sweet beautiful creaking noise in the empty room.    
  
“ _ Blinding! _ He’s got gold bars!” Allen squealed, dragging the heavy shiny bricks out.    
  
“Oh hell yes! That’s my favorite albino! I fuckin love you,” Lavi shouted as he came over to look for himself. All three boys took a long minute to look at the bars adoringly.    
  
“Yuu, there’s a briefcase upstairs with a pen and a bird in it, dump that  _ shit  _ out and bring it down,” Lavi ordered, not taking his eyes off the beautiful gold.    
  
Kanda smacked the back of Lavi’s head but went to get it anyway, taking the stairs two at a time. He frisbeed the case over to them from the top of them- Lavi successfully catching it- and they stuffed it with the contents of the safe. They didn’t move to set anything back the way it was, all too giddy to get out and get back home.    
  
Out the garage they went, at least bothering to close it behind them. They casually walked across the street and around to their backyard, getting back into the abandoned house before they let go and started yelling.   
  
“Yes yes yes! So lucky! Hoooooly shiit,” Lavi hollered as he rubbed his face excitedly.    
  
“How much is it worth Lavi?” Allen asked, almost breathless.    
  
Kanda and Allen were anxious and silent as they could see the numbers running through their partner’s mind.    
  
“God they have to be kilogram bars… there’s five so...and golds worth… which makes it…. 217,692,” he answered frantically.    
  
“What? Like, two hundred  _ thousand? _ ” Kanda asked, just to be sure.   
  
“Yes!” Lavi’s face was all grin, his eye crinkled and his hands shaking.    
  
Kanda couldn’t resist, he dragged the redhead closer by his shirt and kissed the  __ shit  out of him. 


End file.
